Sunday, August 7, 2011

Wednesday September 1, 2004

Today is not my day.I really wanna be the best mommy I can be, but all I keep wanting to do is have a day to myself.John went fishing last week for 8 hours and came home smelly and happy.He caught 3 flounders.
I keep thinking how by the time I get the chance to take off for that long, I'll probably be 7 months pregnant with number 2 and to wide to waddle around free and easy.
I miss how Fridays meant Fashion Bug day.I would get a new outfit from there every Friday after my college classes for my dates with John.I don't think he saw me in the same outfit for 3 years!
I miss reading in the library, sitting in the woods writing poetry or in front of the computer rotting my brain for hours.I actually miss working.I take that back.I miss getting a fat paycheck with my name on it.I miss cuddling and talking with John about our future;the newness of our first kisses and the tingling on the back of my neck when we held hands.
I miss horseback riding and walks at Leamings run and Longwood Gardens,eating Chinese till I would bust at the buffet,taking sunset walks alone in the summer and daydreaming about the perfect handsome man I would someday marry.
I miss seeing other babies and wishing I had my own(raising kids looked so easy and like so much fun then!)
I  guess in short I miss being single and selfish, back when all I wanted to be was married and unselfish.I always knew I was called by God to be a wife and mother.I never felt complete until that happened.Now I feel like something is still missing in me.I wish I knew how to fix that.
Maybe that will fix itself in time.

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