Saturday, March 17, 2012

Thursday December 7, 2006

I really can't take much more.Sierra's been sick for 3 days, Brianna's been sick for 2 and being house bound is driving me nuts.EVERYTHING is getting on my nerves.Sierra's mouth is OUT OF CONTROL.she talks like she's going through her teen years and there are moments where I don't want to be around her.She demands food with her hands on her hips,refuses to say please or thank you for things,wastes the foods I do give her and keeps asking for the junk food she can't have.She talks back,rolls her eyes,clicks her tongue and glares.
Brianna is still pleasant, but demanding at times too.She tries to play and laugh as snooty dries under her least she sits perfectly still long enough for me to really clean it at times.I can't stand kids that run around licking the the snot off their makes me gag.
Then there's John.
You know how guys are always saying they want us to tell them what we want so they can deliver?My guy still doesn't deliver.I mean he's no creep...he spoils me in all the little ways most women would love(like he's almost always the one to get up in the middle of the night when Sierra wanders in for 1 reason or aother, and he gets up in the morning first with the girls so i can sleep late.)But I mean, even Dr. Phil says men aren't I guess unless you find a really romantic fella you can forget about receiving the "just because" gifts.Well anyway this how it goes in our house:Flowers are a HUGE thing with me.I never get them.The last time i got flowers was for my birthday  and they were from Crystal.Well, I waited about a year for him to do it on his own.Then I just gave up and relied on dropping hints.I mean, flowers after a few hints is better than nothing right?
Still no flowers.
So I dropped coming out and telling him how much I love them, miss them, how Crystal gets them alot from her hubby- how even my insensitive jerk of step dad gets them for my mom once in a blue moon. Then I waited a few months.
Still no flowers.
i finally came out and asked what the heck was wrong with him?Why is he a romantic retard?He says flowers just aren't on his mind and when they are I either bring them up(and it seems kinda dumb to bring me them the day after I asked for romantic is that?) or he doesn't have the money on him.He never carries money on him, but he has a bank card and we have the money in our car for gas and emergencies)I just yelled at him in tears to just forget it.I mean, if I don't mean enough to him for him to put me and flowers in the forefront of his mind after so many chances and so much time, then really.Forget it.
I'm in that place where I have so much on my mind too-the sick kids, the house chores, errands, bills to pay, Christmas gifts to buy, extras on my mind that he has no idea about- but I keep room in my mind for him, always.i rememebr things last year,last month and last week he has said he wishes he had or would just like to have.I get him what he wants.He can't even Christmas shop for me.He keeps telling me that.He either can't find what i want.I've resorted to writing a list for him and the stores where he can get them.He keeps losing the list.
I really give up.
I went food shopping today and was going to buy myself some flowers, but I just couldn't.It was too sad and pathetic.Me getting them wouldn't solve the problem.I stared at carnations and roses and colorful pastels of I -don't -know -whats and started to cry.I don't think he'll ever get me flowers just because he was thinking of me.I don't think he'll ever do "just because" things ever again.That died when we got married.Maybe he'll rememebr or find the time and money when I'm dead.But that's only because he'll see everyone else putting them on my casket.

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