This was a weird weekend for me.I hadn't heard from the girls that babysit Sierra in almost a month and Sunday they and their mom came up to me and asked if they could come over for an hour throughout the week after school to "watch" Sierra.I just don't know.When they are with their mom, they are so outgoing and friendly and excited to come over.But when they are here, they almost never talk to me, are very quiet and just act bored.Although, i do have to say they really seem to like Sierra(which is great, but a little weird too,ya know?What 10-16 year old girl would dump her friends to hang out with a 3 year old?..true story-it happened)I dunno.My head says they are very nice and just shy but my gut says there is something that just isn't quite right.Maternal instinct trumps what seems to be ok every time with me, so I'm making sure Sierra keeps her distance.Better safe than sorry.
i had a long talk with John last week about how I know I'm clingy lately and really wan him around.I'm also feeling this driving need to feel loved and appreciated in the "old ways"...flowers( a BIGGIE),little notes, little surprise gifts...well,he listened and got the picture but still just missed it.Maybe I'm just a spoiled brat, but with my crazy hormones and emotions, I want what i want and i want it NOW...dern it!And I don't care how bratty it sounds, cause I may write like this alot, but I NEVER vocalize it.So I wait, expecting maybe he'll pick me some flowers (if not buy them)and put them by my bedside or one day he'll head off to work and sometime that day a floral van will pul up and drop off some beautiful bouquet.Nope.Maybe I'll wake up to find a sweet note stuck to my head or the bathroom mirror.Nope.What did he do????he cleaned.And that is a BIG deal for me, really.And i appreciated it.Shoot, i cried!I went into the kitchen rambling about not being able to find my hairbrush and stopped mid-sentence when I realized he didn't just wash the dishes-he did the pots,pans,a skillet and a casserole dish.He wiped down the countertops,scrubbed the stove top and swept the floor.I cried.I really sobbed like a baby.But at the same time, I kept thinking," he really doesn't want to put out the money for flowers".I swear to you I was happy and grateful;but it's like nagging your hubby to mow the lawn for weeks and then you go and have this ♥ to ♥ with him( which is very hard for you to do ...express your true feelings and all)about really wanting old the romance back and he goes and mows the lawn.Yes, you asked for it and yes you love it...it's just not what you wanted at that moment.
Ok, so I only get 2 full days with him-Sunday and monday.they are the days off and I want us to spend those togther as a family.Work gets him 5 days a week so that before he leaves he's a vegetable and when he comes home he's an exhausted vegetable.Church takes another 2 hours out of our Sunday(no talking, or going anywhere-obviously)Mondays we run around doing errands and paying bills and for 2Â½ hours his brother comes over and takes more time from us practicing Ju-Jitsu.Now practices with Jamie will be moved to Sundays after church so that they can volunteer at our old high school and teach this marial art for 2 hours afterschool.He'll come home and be tired and stinky so you have to minus the Â½ hour ride there and back,plus the 5 minute ride to and from his brother's to pick him up.Then there's the 9 hours of sleep both days-let's do the math:
48 hours(Sunday and monday)
30 hours left for us
28.5 hours left for us
26.5 hours left for us
24.5 hours left for us
-1 hour(ride to school and back)
23.5 left for us.From that you take the 20 minute shower,the 20 minutes to and from Jamie's (on both days) and the time spent apart when I'm prepping the girls for bed or Brianna for her nap.In a full week I get less than a full day with my husband..imagine how the kids feel.
My head hurts.I'm gonna go get some ice cream.For $4.19 a pint, Ben and jerry will always be there for me.