Friday, August 12, 2011

Wednesday September 13, 2006

I apologize for the next few minutes worth of mindless rambling, but if it gets it outta my head then it's free therapy for me.And anyway, i'm not asking you to keep reading.
I'm tired.I have no idea how Sierra can go to bed at 10pm, get up 6 times throughout the night for no good reason and wake me at 7 or 8 am doing 90mph like a ball of lightening.This magical energy goes on throughout the day without waning in the slightest thereby running me down and wearing me out.Plus, she's not listening to me 1 iota.
Brianna has been taught by her big sister to do exactly what I've been asking said big sister not to do-JUMP.Jump in the crib, in the playpen, and jump on her back(well, actually i'm trying to change her diaper and she keeps kicking her legs like she's jumping).The scary thing is she knows i won't spank Brianna cause she has just enough understanding to do naughty things, but not enough to be corrected.Grrr.My 3 year old outsmarted me.Again.
We have a band new(to us anyway) used swingset for the girls.I've prayed for this little luxury for about 2 years and now we have it.Unfortunately it's in 15 majorally rusty pieces and Sierra wants to use it NOW, but there's no time for John to put it together.
I'm scared by my financial circumstances while trying to remain prayerfully faithful.Our account is steadily and rapidly reaching zero and we have every day needs that need to be met-like food.$60 a week is not cutting it, but it's all we can afford.This scares me, but i keep hearing in my head that I can't fear and trust at the same time.I feel like somehow I'm doing it though.
Brianna will be 1 next month and i can't even wrap my mind around it.My baby-the one I suffered for,the one i prayed for, the one I needed to stay a baby just a little while longer- will be 1.Soon she'll be toddling away from me and after her big Sis.Big sis is no longer a baby but a young child.I'm losing my babies to time and my heart is aching.i wish I could shrink them both down to a month old each and snuggle into their downy brown hair and sweet scented cheeks.Today Sierra used logic to disobey me before i realized she was being disobedient and in a fit of excitement Brianna slammed her forehead into my cheekbone then slapped me in the eyes.Oh fun.
i should be teaching Sierra right now, but all she wants to do is learn the same numbers-1 thru 10.She already recognizes them, can write them and and count past them....but she fades away to lala land when I try to teach her 11-20 and if I count to 10 1 more time I'll fade to black myself.
I wish I could do something crazy like the Hollywood wealthy.I'd like to go with my family to a real estate agent and pick out any old house we want.Better yet, skip the agent.i wanna be driving with my family and see a house we like, walk up to the front door and tell the owners we want them out by next Friday and after they finishing laughing in our faces- open a purse filled with hundreds and tell them I'm not kidding.
It's funny.John asked me last night if I have any deep fantasies I've never told him b4.I don't think this is what he was expecting, but hey, it's my fantasy.

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