Friday, August 12, 2011

Friday September 22, 2006

oh baby       
hold on
Baby I love you.
Abortion Regret
Ok,I can't take it anymore!!I am normally awesome at keeping other people's secrets, but for the life of me I can't keep my own for too long.Just in case you are really dense( an i apologize for insulting you if you are) and couldn't get it from the above pics, but I'm having another baby!!!!AHHHHHH!!!!!
It's so wonderful and scary and surreal and beautiful all at the same time.I know,I know.I just had Brianna last October and it hasn't even been a full year yet(she turned 11 months yesterday)...and I know the world will not be accepting or supportive and may even go so far as to be abusive,negative and downright rude and hurtful, but I really don't care.Only a very few trusted friends and family know and i plan on feeding off their love and support and general happiness to get through telling everyone else.
Is it really that bad?(you may ask).Worse.Last year when i walked into my doctor's office almost 2 years after having Sierra, she looked at me and said,"You're kidding,right?What are you doing here?Tell me you're not pregnant."i mean this was my doctor-i was a married 20 something with a little girl ...not a 15 year old telling her parents.You would think she'd be long as i keep having babies, she can pay off her Beemer.
Then there are my inlaws.Telling them about Sierra my MIL broke out her big medical book and diagnosed me not as pregnant, but as having either a cancerous tumor on my uterus or an ovarian cyst.Telling them about Brianna-she just shook her head and said,"I hope you won't be looking for a handout".My father in law,whom I really like and care about his opinion...what did have to say?"No your not.Seriously,you're not, are you?johnny!Ri!NO!! You're supposed to make the money before you go and do this..."i should probably mention here that this was not in the privacy of their home, but at an Easter dinner in front of aunts,uncles and cousins.I burst into tears.
So screw them this time.I'm not telling them until the child is born or until they notice my body changing and bring it up themselves.If i make it to delivery without telling them and wanna know why we never said anything or how we kept it a secret I 'm gonna tell them it was easy-i just remembered the last 2 times we told them and didn't want to go through that pain again.For once i wanted to be happy the whole pregnancy long.
I really don't care this time around if they are supportive or trash talk us.All that matters is that John was really and truly happy.He was just like his parents when i told him about Sierra, and with Brianna he kinda took it like I told him I noticed the price of gas dropped to $2.13 a gallon-happy-ish but it could've be better.Very blah.
This time i was terrified I'd be alone in this again.We were absolutely not trying.With Sierra I knew the week she was conceived and with Brianna I knew the day.This child I am pretty sure of the month, but not even that's 100% since most pregnancy calculators have me pegged at between 4 and 6 weeks.i knew I had to tell John so i slipped it in our bedtime prayer with the girls:......"Surround the girls with Guardian Angels and bless them with sweet dreams and-thank-you-for-the-new-baby-please-let-it-be-a-boy-in-Jesus'-Name-Amen."Well, the girls were oblivious to what i had just run together but John did and smiled and asked me what i just said.I sheepishly told him and his smile got bigger and bigger and i got a huge hug.It's all he keeps saying" I can't believe it!How?When?!We're having a baby!"
He's scared financially  but has such a peace all around.It's so wonderful that God completely took the "control"out of His hands and the result is joy and Peace.But still, for our sanity and to have the time to enjoy this without others' negativity, we aren't telling anyone else until November...probably around Thanksgiving.Seems appropriate.So please,if anyone who knows us or our friends and family -please keep this secret for us.We'll be sharing it at the best time for us, during the time of thanksgiving.Praise be to the Lord for our newest little bundle,affectionately nicknamed "WeeBunn"!

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