Saturday, March 17, 2012

Wednesday December 20, 2006

I hate it when old wounds are finally healed up, and all it takes is a dream or a song or a smell to pick open the scab again...and it feels like the blood will never stop pouring and the pain will never go away.i hate the confusion,the shame,the guilt,the sadness and the fear ....i want to just let it all go and be done.I want to act like it never mattered when it did.It so did.I'd give anything to go back in time and see what went wrong,read minds and see where my life would be now if the road less traveled was traveled by me, with company.I'm furious.others go on without a care in the world and I'm left standing with the pain beating out blood from my ripped open heart.I hate myself.I hate the devil.He is a liar.I wish God would give me a vision into my past- to see all the way from then to now.Am I truly blessed and happy?Or am I just pretending again?Am i living blindly by faith and acting the whole way?what is really real but God?
Oh God, here come the tears again.I gotta go.I need to sob.

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