I am getting so annoyed I can barely see straight.Ya know, I don't get a whole heck of a lot of time to write these blogs and I type so fast to try and get it all written, then I hit submit and nothing happens.This is my 4th post on the same subjects.I swear, if it doesn't take, I'm printing out my past blogs and cancelling this xanga thing.
Thanksgiving was...interesting.We all pitched in to make dinner early so that the whole event didn't fall solely on me.I "forced" John to rip the turkey guts out and Sierra had a blast buttering the bird!The whole day would've been great except for 2 things- 1 I had a WICKED headache from going to visit John's extended family.It's loud, it stinks(cigarettes) and there is constant swearing.At one point I had to tell my father-in-la he'd had enough cigs, in my opinion, after he lit up his 5th in 15 minutes!He put it away smiling and walked out.Sierra played eith a few of her cousins.I'd be perfectly happy if she just sat there staring at them till wee could come home, but try and stop a 3 year old from playing with family.It's funny.They are all older than her by at least 3 years and go to public school.I homeschool her...yet playing hide and seek and hearing her talk with them...she is so much more eloquent and clear in her speech...it's just amazing.Even the aunts and uncles would comment that they were ashamed that my 3 year old home schooled daughter was smarter by light years than their 6-10 year olds!i needed that.
The second downer was that John shaved off the stache.He'd been wheedling and whining about it for a month and I firmly said I hated the idea.I mean, I understand it's his face but I'm married to it and have to wake up to it.Well, I threw my hands up and was like,"Whatever!I don't care -just leave me alone about it!"Well, he did it and I couldn't look at him all night.I cried.I felt like my husband was gone and was replaced with this john knockoff.I HATED it.When I finally did look, I was in shock and tears.He looks so haggard and old.Everyone else either didn't notice or said he looked 12.I think it sucks that he did it partly cause he wanted a change , but partly too cause coworkers were saying how old he looked with it.No one believed he is 23.It really hurt and infuriated me that he valued their opinion of him over mine and I'm stuck with the end product til it grows back.Whatever.
Well, it's been 5 days and he has a shadowy thing growing in.It looks like it till you get up close, but I'll take what i can get.He's slowly coming back and I missed him.
Yesterday John taught his Jujitsu class with his brother.He always rides in Jamie's car there and back, Jamie drops him off and he comes in alone.Why jamie came in this time, I'll never know...but I find it funny(not funny "ha-ha" but funny "this irony sucks")that after nearly 4 months of keeping Weebunn a secret from his family, Sierra blurts out for NO apparent reason in 1 breath,"hi Uncle Jamie.I'm sitting with my mommy cause she's my best friend and there is a baby in her tummy!"I look at John.He looks at me.We look at Jamie and smiles and just shakes his head.that was the end of it.no one said anything.I have no idea what was going on in jamie's head but I PRAY he forgot all about it by the time he got home.I have a feeling he didn't and blabbed to his mom, though.That by can't keep a secret to save his life.
I've done a lot of thinking about why I hate telling his family everytime.It's not so much that they aren'y happy about it.I couldn't care less if they are happy or not.It's that their response always makes John and me feel like we didn something wrong, that we are stupid and irresponsible and have no control.they never see it as a blessing and I'm always hurt and john's always mad.That's no way to "celebrate" a new grandchild coming into the world.And the funny thing is, a year later all I ever hear are snide subtle comments about how I never bring the kids over enough and how they hate the grandparents cause they don't know them.
Hmmm, wonder why i keep them away?"Hey Sierra, Brianna!This is Mom-Mom and popPop.they made mommy cry when we told them you were in my tummy before you were born.They didn't want you.Hey, Sierra?Did you know Momom thought you were a cancerous cyst?Brianna, did you know that Poppop called mommy and daddy stupid for having you, in front of all your aunts, uncles and cousins???"
Yeah, that'd be swell.
Anyway,I've kept the phone unplugged all day today in case they try to call and are p.o.'d.At least if they can't get through for a few days, it'll be old news by the time they do get thru and they won't be as hurtful.I guess.